Well sir, I’ve been thinking of patenting my new discovery. I just found how your wife – yes, your very darling wife – can lose more weight than she ever dreamed of, and results are guaranteed!! No, friend, this is not a gimmick. (Just don’t go copying my concept without legal permission.) All’s you have to do – I can hardly believe this – is substitute a scale graduated in Kilograms, not in Pounds – and presto, your wife weighs HALF of her fat self. Boy, will she be pleased! And YOU’LL be her hero!
But wait! There’s more! Say, if your mother-in-law lives only twenty-five miles from your home and your wife keeps pestering you to go visit every Sunday during football season… well, yes, I have a dandy solution to that conundrum as well. Switch from Miles to Kilometers – and you got yourself an airtight excuse NOT to drive that far. “Why, Mabel, that’s WELL over FORTY kilometers!” Who can argue with that logic? I dare you!! You WILL get results!
And for those really intimate moments with the Missus, when you fall into a rapture contemplating one another’s private parts, you can whisper your member’s length – not in inches, but in centimeters, which I can guarantee will fall into the teens and thereby earn you permanent bragging rights. I’m telling you now, and I’ll tell you again – going Metric is cheaper than Viagra. And I don’t need to warn you to call some damn-fool doctor for a result that will last WELL over four hours. So go on! Amaze her!
Friend, there’s so much more! Just ask for my fully-illustrated booklet which you can peruse in the privacy of your own home. Ah, neighbor, I couldn’t and certainly wouldn’t keep such inventive genius hidden under the basket for very long. No, sir!
Now you go on and do what’s right for you!
